The Community Does Not Count
One thing I have had reinforced over the years is the fact that BDSM Community, for all its pretension and self-importance is utterly and completely irrelevant to the actual lives of people practicing BDSM in all its variations.
Let us consider the numbers. In the US alone, the most conservative estimate of the BDSM/kink population (and there really is no difference except in degree between the two) is approximately 32 million. It may range as high as nearly 100 million. We have no way of accurately measuring it so let us stick to the lowest possible figure and view the high figure as speculation. Now consider that Fetlife, the website du jour as of this writing claims a membership of over 2 million for a worldwide audience, that puts that site at far less than 10% of the lowest figure for active kink folk in the US alone!
If we were to add up the numbers of people who attend clubs, munches, groups and events, all combined we get an even smaller number. So, as far as numbers alone go, the BDSM Community is not even a snowball on an iceberg.
Bondage has long been the stuff of fashion and of popular fiction. The Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon was long preceded by “bodice-rippers” and heroic fantasy. It was also a staple of cheap porn back in the days of paperbacks and adult bookstores. There has never been a need for a community for people to be introduced to this stuff.
Nor has there ever been a need for a community for people to practice it. When I was young one merely found a willing young woman, a few pieces of rope and nature took its course. No one had to go to classes to learn how to tie up their girlfriends and they don't need to now. The whole notion of education is self-serving nonsense.
So what has this left us with. On one hand you have “BDSM Community” with is poobahs and celebrities, groups fighting turf wars to attract the most people and a whole bunch of self-righteous and self-important fools living under the illusion that they make rules for everyone else. No, NCSF, consent as you define it does not count. No one cares what you think. And on the other hand, you have the overwhelming majority of kink folk who do their own thing and could not care less about the BDSM Community thinks even if they have any idea of what some folks in it may think. And they are not going to follow its rules. For this group it is of no importance what the vanilla world thinks because they see no separation between it and themselves. It does not matter what a bunch of shell-shocked losers did when they staggered back from the Second World War. The latest blathering of Jay Wiseman and Jack Rinella get no hearing from their deaf ears.
They are too busy putting videos on youtube of tying up their friends in the park or taking a girlfriend out on a leash. The ridiculous, oddly costumed fuddie-duddies of the Community of the Badly Dressed Social Misfits will not control these folks.
They don't care. They don't have to care. And they are the real future of kink.
One thing I have had reinforced over the years is the fact that BDSM Community, for all its pretension and self-importance is utterly and completely irrelevant to the actual lives of people practicing BDSM in all its variations.
Let us consider the numbers. In the US alone, the most conservative estimate of the BDSM/kink population (and there really is no difference except in degree between the two) is approximately 32 million. It may range as high as nearly 100 million. We have no way of accurately measuring it so let us stick to the lowest possible figure and view the high figure as speculation. Now consider that Fetlife, the website du jour as of this writing claims a membership of over 2 million for a worldwide audience, that puts that site at far less than 10% of the lowest figure for active kink folk in the US alone!
If we were to add up the numbers of people who attend clubs, munches, groups and events, all combined we get an even smaller number. So, as far as numbers alone go, the BDSM Community is not even a snowball on an iceberg.
Bondage has long been the stuff of fashion and of popular fiction. The Fifty Shades of Grey phenomenon was long preceded by “bodice-rippers” and heroic fantasy. It was also a staple of cheap porn back in the days of paperbacks and adult bookstores. There has never been a need for a community for people to be introduced to this stuff.
Nor has there ever been a need for a community for people to practice it. When I was young one merely found a willing young woman, a few pieces of rope and nature took its course. No one had to go to classes to learn how to tie up their girlfriends and they don't need to now. The whole notion of education is self-serving nonsense.
So what has this left us with. On one hand you have “BDSM Community” with is poobahs and celebrities, groups fighting turf wars to attract the most people and a whole bunch of self-righteous and self-important fools living under the illusion that they make rules for everyone else. No, NCSF, consent as you define it does not count. No one cares what you think. And on the other hand, you have the overwhelming majority of kink folk who do their own thing and could not care less about the BDSM Community thinks even if they have any idea of what some folks in it may think. And they are not going to follow its rules. For this group it is of no importance what the vanilla world thinks because they see no separation between it and themselves. It does not matter what a bunch of shell-shocked losers did when they staggered back from the Second World War. The latest blathering of Jay Wiseman and Jack Rinella get no hearing from their deaf ears.
They are too busy putting videos on youtube of tying up their friends in the park or taking a girlfriend out on a leash. The ridiculous, oddly costumed fuddie-duddies of the Community of the Badly Dressed Social Misfits will not control these folks.
They don't care. They don't have to care. And they are the real future of kink.